stupid angels

ok, i doubt (or hope) that guys dont have this problem, but girls have this disgusting habit of sending stupid emails that say crap like, "here's your lucky angel" or "here are eight angels to bless you for eight days. if you dont send these eight angels to your eight closest friends, the angels and baby jesus will weep for you . . ." or something to that tune. well, i've bout had enough of this crap, and then this morning i was checking my email at work and a co-worker sent me a forward with the subject reading, "GOOD LUCK ANGEL!" and i'm thinking of ways to send viruses to her computer. well, i open it up, and this is what i found:

now, obviously this guy has some bills to pay . . . or he lost a bet or something. but the picture does bring up an interesting point - i believe that angels (besides clearly being hot) are actually really fierce and hardcore beings. angels arent pansies and they definitely arent weak.

well, anyhow, now i am going to send that email to my closest friends so that they know how good a friend i am, because we all know that true friends send forwards.

on a tuesday in amsterdam long ago

so earlier this fall i had plans to see coldplay. wait, i take that back- i didnt just have "plans" - i had a freakin ticket and the show got cancelled due to "illness." anyhow, i was thinking about it, and while ive seen a few good shows in the last few years, there are still a lot of people id like to see live. i decided to make a list, so here it is, in no particular order:

1. coldplay (they owe me one)

2. counting crows (i think id marry adam duritz)

3. lauryn hill (she brought out the soul within, plus, who doesnt like sister act 2?)

4. indigo girls (they taught me how to harmonize)

5. yellowcard

6. don chaffer (esp. if lori happens to make the show)

7. paul wright

8. shawn mcdonald

9. eminem (i honestly would go)

10. nas (i think he is the best lyricist of his gen. of mcs)

11. james taylor

12. alison krauss

13. pink martini

14. josh groban

15. g. love

i think thats a pretty solid list for now. i'll let you know if i ever get to see any of these people.

so, who would make your list?

retrospect and random things

Ten Years Ago
oh geez. ten years ago i was a freshman at windsor and i have to say, that was probably my favorite year of high school. i was so stupid. it was a lot of fun. young life was a big thing for me, and that's also when i got into the youth group at savannah christian. that year had a rough start b/c i moved from the eastside to the southside, which was basically like transferring from a foreign country.

Five Years Ago
i was in my sophomore year at milligan. i still wasnt sure what i was doing there or how i was affording it, but i started liking it and making great friends. i started playing guitar a lot more, and not just by myself in my room when i was sure no one else was around. this was the year i took my first camping trip. this was the year i was britney spears in a lip-sync contest during twirp week. this was the year i climbed into the seeger bell tower for the first time and saw the most amazing view of the campus at nighttime. this was the year john hammon and i became good friends. it was the year that i decided i loved milligan and didnt want to go home immediately when it was time for a break.

One Year Ago
i was living in a really cool apartment in downtown savannah with my ultra-cool dog, romeo. i was faced with a crazy job offer to work as the creative programmer for the youth ministry at saddleback in lake forest, california. i was glad i didnt get the job (update: the girl they hired had like a meltdown or something six months into it and quit. they're still looking for a replacement). i actually think i a year ago exactly that i found out i didnt get the job (w/i a few days, give or take).

Now
i am living with my parents for 6 months to pay off my debt. i am teaching (again) at windsor (my old high school) and loving it. i am looking to move to atlanta or athens next summer and teach somewhere up there. i am looking forward to being in heather's wedding in march and cathy's wedding in july.

Five yummy things
1. cherry coke
2. chocolate
that about sums it up

Five songs I know by heart
1. ganstas paradise
2. anything by copeland
3. anything by waterdeep
4. fresh prince theme song
5. pretty much any counting crows song

Five things I would do with a lot of money
1. Pay off all my debt.
2. Buy a second home in Italy or Ireland and travel all over Europe
3. pay for erik's college
4. fix my stupid car
5. get plane tickets for my favorite 50 people or so and take them to hawaii for a week

Five places I would escape to
1. ireland
2. Italy
3. Greece
4. NYC
5. Oregon

Five things I would never wear
1. any shade of pink
2. a new kids on the block shirt . . . oh, wait . . . dangit
3. my collar up
4. a shirt advertising a clothing company
5. denim jumper (like the ones elementary school teachers wear)

Five favorite TV shows
1. extreme makeover : home edition
i dont really watch a lot of tv

Five favorite films
1. gone with the wind
2. any 80s movie featuring molly ringwald
3. Braveheart
4. dead poets society
5. man on fire

Five things I enjoy doing
1. Reading
2. Watching movies
3. Traveling
4. singing
5. playing guitar

jordan clark at cutter's point tonight

tonight i'm hanging out at cutter's point coffee house to hear jordan clark and to hang out with great people. you should come. cutter's point is basically around the corner from the new wal-mart on montgomery x-roads. just pass wal-mart, take a right onto skidaway, and you'll see cutter's point on the left (in the shopping center with piggly wiggly).

$5 and good conversation

what makes a conversation a good conversation?

last night i sat down with my new friend, scott, and we had a good conversation. once we got past the usual "how are yous," etc., we got ended up talking about ministry in savannah, how we see each of ourselves involved in ministry. interestingly we both are passionate about our desires to see racial reconciliation. basically, we wish that the church was like a coca-cola commercial with people of every color holding hands -- only they're singing about jesus, not coke.
i shared my relentless hunger to save the world - a hunger that consumes me despite, the odds and challenges that face me every day. some of my kids have a lot of things going against them, and they arent fighting back. it breaks my heart. ive had small break-throughs with a student recently, but i feel like hes still defeated in the long run. it all comes back to apathy. parents not caring about modeling education in the home. parents letting their kids grow up too soon, or telling their kids that they are grown when they really are far from it. students not caring about their grades. students not caring about graduating.
im really torn between my appreciation for the hip hop culture and the damage that has been done to my students through the culture that they love and are very much a part of. for some of my students, to be educated is to be "white," and thats the last thing they want to be. for others, they just dont think theyre smart enough, so they just quit doing their work . . . quit caring.
anyhow, back to the conversation with scott. we asked some tough questions. how can we bring black and white kids together in savannah on a regular basis for worship and community? what would that look like? how do we even get there? despite her cultural diversity, savannah separates herself in every way possible.

in other news it has become quiet clear that the rest of my crap still in beth's house in midtown is not going to pack itself up and move to the southside on its own. i find this very unfortunate and annoying. so, i still have a lot of packing, moving, and cleaning to do, and i only have until friday to do it b/c our friend, kylene, needs a place to stay for a couple of weeks, and she's bringing some of her stuff over to beths on saturday.


rize is now part of my dvd collection. i love this film. if i werent moving and grading a million papers a day i would have watched it literally about five times by now since buying it last week.

keep it krump.

searching for friends

have you ever typed your friends' names into a search engine to see what you get? meet a few of my friends . . .


dimitri (i'd buy this album)

cathy

(does anyone else think it looks like she's having problems?)

greg (i'm not sure which is greg)

josh

(when do you go on tour?)

emily (this must have been us at the hip hop show)

erik

(erik is now working on his sixth album. it's called polyester wine. tour kicks off in early january.)

of course i couldnt search w/o doing my name, so this is what i got after going through all the "laura bush" photos and "ronald reagan" photos

does this make me weird?

so this is my good buddy hezekiah blue barnes (no joke, that's his name) holding his brand-spankin new baby twin boys, malachi israel and zechariah heman (pronounced "hayman" . . .it's hebrew. . . not like the cartoon). hez and i went to milligan together. he frequently stole my guitar from me as i sat on sutton hill during dinner and watched the sun set, and i was always jealous of his twelve-string acoustic and mad skills on the harmonica. i miss the days of playing and singing with him at sub7. theres this one song he wrote that i love. i wish i could hear him sing it again. hez and i were also hiking/camping buddies along with a few other favorite people. one day we graduated. then he got married. now he's got two kids. crazy. . . exciting, but crazy. congratulations, hez!

um, yeah, so i was cleaning out my closet (insert stupid eminem pun here) at my parent's house last night and found, what i think is, the freakiest thing ever. keep in mind this is the closet used by laura as a teenager, and if you knew me as a teenager, then this wont come as quite a shock, but if you've only met me within the past few years, then this might strike you as, well, i'm not sure, but here we go . . .
ok, so i need to tell a little story as background. shock factor was huge for me in high school. i loved doing things that threw people off. when i was 17 i had really long hair...we're talking almost down to my butt. now there are girls in the world who find it necessary to cry when they get their hair cut, but frankly i could care less. i decided to hack it all off and not tell anyone i was getting it done. i just happened to do this on the day of my 17th birthday party. one by one, people showed up to the party and freaked out. i cut off about 15 inches, so it was pretty drastic.
ok, so back to the closet story: last night i was digging in a box and saw a plastic bag. thinking it was odd, i picked up the bag and looked inside. there, in a ponytail held together by a rubberband, was the hair i had cutt off 7 years ago. i cant decide if thats more gross or weird. some people are grossed out by hair, and i honestly dont get it, however, seeing as how this hair has been sitting in that closet for a few years makes it a little different. i think my original plan was to donate it to locks of love, but i obviously didnt get around to that. if i were famous i could sell it on ebay. that would be cool. but im not famous, so . . .

one of my favorite lines in the movie garden state is, "he's just a fast food knight." i just thought id share that.

so yesterday i bought the latest death cab for cutie cd. amazing. for some reason im never disappointed by their cds, unlike josh kelly, who profoundly disappointed -- i would venture to say disgusted -- me when i bought his last album. his first cd was pretty good with warm melodies, a folksy style, and familiar lyrics. but his latest cd made me wish i could rip my eardrums out. oh yeah. it's that bad. musically. lyrically. it's really sad.

pedro the lion has put together a christmas album on vinyl and there are only 2000 copies. i just found that tidbit interesting.

how the heck are you doin

sup.

so i've been teaching for a few weeks, and let me just say, it's good to be home. i am back at windsor, and while they've stuck me out in a trailer, i am quite content with my current situation. my students are ridiculous and i love them. oh, the stories!

in other news, im getting ready to move again, so that's going to be . . . annoying. im relocating (for the second time in my life) to the south side. it's cool though b/c i'll be close to the school and it will be easier to attend activites, etc.

life has been interesting lately. what am i saying? life is always interesting, actually, but it has been particularily interesting lately. if you want the details, ask me in person.

last night i saw the new harry potter movie. i just lied. if you believed me, then clearly we are not friends. last night i saw walk the line. incredible. go see it.

today one of my kids gave me a "hood i.q. test: how ghetto are you?" the quiz allows you so many points for things like, "If your neighborhood had an ice cream man. (2 points, 5 extra points if he played R&B)", "If you've ever run from the police on foot (5 points)", "You think 'red' is a flavor of Kool-Aid (4 points)", "You don't have your own place, but your child has a leather coat and a pair of Jordan's (5 points)", and, my personal favorite, "You think Tupac is still alive (20 points)". i scored 152 out of 200. hmmm

good news

in nothing short of a miracle i have a job. more than that, my dream job -- in two weeks i will be back at windsor forest high school teaching ghetto kids and lovin it. God is amazing and a lot more faithful than i ever knew. just thought id update.

clearly

i was going to type up a long narration leading up to the next statement, but id rather get right to the point: i am job hunting. clearly, working at -- well, actually -- working anywhere other than in a school is clearly against some law of nature deeply inbedded in me. if i work here much longer, one day some un-suspecting church volunteer will round the corner of my clean-cut cubicle and find me wide-eyed and breathless with a pen gauged in my neck that reads "thank you for visiting savannah christian church". i just cant do it anymore. i need to be with teenagers, and it's that simple.

in other news, i am singing with some people opening for da t.r.u.t.h. and mary mary next friday night at overcoming by faith. you should come check it out. fo sho. (emily)

i attended the catalyst conference "for next generation leaders" last week in a-town (that's atlanta, for all you non-krunk people out there). it was pretty good. i struggle with getting a little tired of all the flashy crap they do. it's like they're thinking, "hey, we have this huge arena, let's use every light possible, make the music as loud as possible, and charge a ridiculous amount of money so that people are reassured that christians can be cool." lame. loose the hype. if the conference were stripped down to just the speakers (who were phenominal: andy stanley, louie giglio, malcolm gladwell, erwin mcmannus, leonard sweet, donald miller, and john maxwell) then it would have been simply amazing. why is it that if you get a large group of christians together the automatic mentality is that they have to sell jesus to non-believers? i think it's b/c too many christians only know other christians. get out of your damn box. satan really likes you there. he says it fits you nicely. being a christian is not about programs. it is about a process, a journey with a very real God who doesnt care if you dress like a hipster a bum or clad in kenneth cole . . . a God who someday will share with you that he thinks it's silly that you spend 15 minutes giving your hair that "slightly disheveled" look. a God who knows a lot more than i do about what he likes and dislikes, so im going to stop there.

one of my former students called me from the hospital this week. he had overdosed, but clearly not enough to die. no, no, just enough to practically kill his liver. now hes on medicine to keep his liver from bleeding. great. the world is so broken and i want to be like my Dad and fix it, but i cant . . .

several of my friends are getting engaged or married soon (5 to be exact). where's that pen . . .

i repent

i am a horrible person. some of you are thinking, "come on, laura, you're not that bad." others of you are saying, "well, they say the first step is admitting it." well, the truth is, i know who i am, and im definitely not great.

on his live album, "the house show", derek webb talks about how great it would be if we, as christians, got real with each other and confessed our sins to each other. he said that the best thing that could ever happen to him is if his sins were exposed on the 6 o'clock news for everyone to see. im thinkin hes smokin something. but the more i think about it, the more i wish we were more open with each other. i think of all the people that i look up to -- people who seem to be so much more spiritually mature than myself -- people who i try to mark my steps after . . . people who just strike me as christlike. the truth is, though, that everyone struggles . . . everyone sins . so, why is it so hard for us to admit it-- especially to one another? pride? shame? . . .

it fascinates me to think that i could admit my deepest, darkest sins and that admittance could actually encourage someone. but im not brave enough. im also still confused on how sin is sin to God -- we tend to label sins, saying one is worse than another, but that's not how God sees it, and even though i've taught younger people about it, i still dont understand it and i guess i have a hard time accepting it . . . grace, that is.

im not about to confess all my sins right here, but i am repenting of not being more honest with the people in my life who i am called to hold accountable and vice versa. i repent for being too prideful . . . and disobedient. i am going to pray that God shows me how i could use my shortcomings to encourage others and show them how full of mercy and grace God is . . . how much he loves us despite our struggles . . .

disappointment opening to new horizons

what's with disappointment lately? coldplay got cancelled. now ryan long has cancelled his savannah show that was to be at the end of the month. i just found out that new city cafe is ending it's amazing years of bringing amazing music to knoxville. also, i have to decide between driving up there for either ed cash or ryan long in the end of november. i miss living downtown. i miss hanging out with teenagers all day.

sorry-- i need to insert a disclaimer here-- i am fully aware of the fact that my life is amazing, that has nothing to do with me. i have clean running water that i dont have to walk five miles to fetch and then carry back to my house in a heavy, cumbersome bucket resting on top of my head. i never have to worry about food or soap or dying from a mosquito bite. i am blessed beyond the conditions of most people on this planet, and i try not to take those things for granted. i also enjoy being in situations that force me to appreciate the things that seem so common and expected in our culture. ok, moving on . . .

last night i dreamt that i got shot twice and didnt die. i didnt even go to the emergency room. watch out, 50 . . .

so im thinking about moving from savannah. ridiculous, right? i love savannah. all i talked about in college was how much i loved and missed savannah, and now im talking about leaving again. well, heres the deal: i like knowing that life is moving towards something. right now, i find myself stagnant, and in more ways than one. im thankful that God put me in this job where i want out. if i were still teaching, i dont think i'd feel like i need to leave savannah. lately ive begun to realize that moving might be a really good thing for me. im not running from anything; i actually view myself as running towards something if i leave savannah. i think there are parts of me that stopped maturing when i came back home. if i leave again, i think i will grow up more and that idea is exciting to me. i think we all want some sense of adventure going on in our lives, and right now, im not in it. i would even venture to say that my life is boring, and i dont think jesus wants me to settle for that. my life isnt even that challenging right now and thats just lame. so, with that, the hunt begins for a new home. where should i live? open to suggestions . . .

rize, coldplay, the mountains

tomorrow night my friend, emily, and i are going to see rize at the lucas theatre. im dang excited about it. josh, wanna come?--i mean since you love hip hop and all . . .

so last night i saw the most amazing show i've ever seen in my life-- coldplay-- live in birmingham. OH WAIT, NO I DIDNT, B/C IT GOT FREAKIN CANCELLED. chris called me friday afternoon as i was driving through atlanta to let me know that he wasnt feeling to great, so they werent going to do the show. i asked him if there was anything i could do, and he mentioned that he and gwyneth hadnt had a night out in a while, so i offered to babysit apple. it was cool. they just went out to dinner and then we all hung out with the band. they played an acoustic set which was ok. ok, im a liar, but not about the show being cancelled part.

in other news, i do have a ticket to see ben folds in a couple of weeks. hopefully he wont get sick. otherwise ill have to kill him.

beth, my roommate, and i were talking the other day about the beach vs. the mountians. we both grew up here in savannah, just thirty minutes or so from tybee beach, and while it is not the most beautiful beach in the world, it is enjoyable. beth voted for the beach. she loves being the in sun. i voted for the mountians. i fell in love with the mountains as a kid visiting the smokies every summer, and i got to spend a lot of time hiking and camping during college when i lived in tennessee. dont get me wrong, the beach is great, and i like the sun, too, but the mountains just do it for me. there is a sense of mystery and slight danger when youre walking in the woods. i think the ocean is mysterious and dangerous also, but not in the same way. maybe i just like the mountains b/c i like the color green, although i know the answer isnt that simplistic.

cadillacs and long roads

this morning i saw a shiny baby pink cadillac driven by a very large man. it made me smile.

yesterday i got to hang out at scad for a few hours. i met like a gazillion scad kids. it was great. i love how scad kids dress either really cool or just completely off....like way off....and either way theyre totally ok with it.

um, yeah, bit of advice for guys:: when you do get married, dont call a girl you dated or a girl that you "sort of" dated and talk for an hour straight about how you proposed and how perfect your future wife is for you. while the girl you are talking to might be genuinely happy for you, all she is hearing is "this is why i didnt choose you" . just so you know . . .

this morning i was reading some a.w. towzer and i came across this scripture:

then shall we know, if we follow on to know the Lord: his going forth is prepared

as the morning; and he shall come unto us as the rain, as the latter and former rain

unto the earth. -- hosea 6:3

i love the rain. the thought of God pouring himself over us like rain is . . . i cant even pick the right word . . . comforting . . . amazing . . . refreshing . . . beautiful . . . i dont know. also, the promise that he goes before us and, like the morning, everything is already planned out ahead of us. even if the path seems unclear or rough, God knows where he's taking us and all we have to do is trust and follow. the following part is where i find it tricky. i think --overanalyze-- way too much, so sometimes i second guess myself when trying to take a step. i find myself always praying for God to put roadblocks in front of me if im going the wrong way due to my own self-centered desires.

desires-- those trip me up a lot. i want my desires to be Gods, and most of the time i think that they are, but it's not always easy to define. i get confused when i question, "ok, God, is this my desire b/c you want it to be . . . b/c you placed it in my heart or is it my desire b/c it's what i want?" like i said, i analyze a lot . . .

tis not enough to save our souls,

to shun the eternal fires;

the thought of God will rouse the heart

to more sublime desires.

how little of that road, my soul!

how little hast thou gone!

take heart, and let the thought of God

allure thee further on.

--frederick w. faber

Racism

racism is a frequent topic in my daily speech, or at least lately it has been.

the other day i found myself being racist, but probably in a way that is surprising. i made the statement that "i love black people" and that "i'd rather hang out with black people than with white people." this said by a girl who is always saying that "people are just people; color has nothing to do with it." i was being racist b/c i was prefering blacks over whites, when what i really meant was that the sub-culture frequently created by black people is more appealing to me than the sub-culture of white people. well, let's take a closer look . . .

technically, color has nothing to do with people's differences. what makes us different are our experiences. since people tend to hang out with people that they most readily identify with, humans tend to first separate themselves by color, thus developing their own sub-culture with one another that is most easily labeled by color. but, color doesnt really have anything to do with it. take me, for example. if i had been raised by an asian family, i'd still be white on the outside, but my cultural practices would be different from the ones that i learned in my family with two american (white) parents.

ok, here's what really got me started on this whole racism thing::

"[Reverend Jesse] Jackson questioned why Bush has not named blacks to top positions in the federal response to the disaster, particularly when the majority of victims remaining stranded in New Orleans are black: "How can blacks be locked out of the leadership, and trapped in the suffering?"

are you ****ing kidding me? if george bush is a racist and hires based on race (which would be against the law), then "reverend" jackson is just as much of a racist for saying that there should be more blacks. is jackson saying that white people are incompetent? im not trying to make any sort of political statement here. all im saying is that people are people, and if jackson is all about equality, then he should be colorblind and not care what color anyone is in any position. he wouldnt complain if the entire custodial staff at the white house were white people, but i bet he would raise hell if they were all black.

jackson is upset b/c the "top positions in the federal response to the [katrina] disaster" are not black. well what the hell does being black have to do with anything?? people are people. the victims in new orleans need relief. i sincerely doubt that if the black victims see white people coming to help them that they are going to say, "we're sorry, but you're not black. we don't want your help. could please find some black people to help us? that would be foshizzle. thanks."

im not really sure where im going with this now. i was just really pissed when i read that quote from "reverend" (does anyone know why he has that title??). reverend my . . .

creative?

this past friday night my friend, beth, and i set out for a girls' night out. we got dressed up (hooker heels included . . . ok, just kidding) and drove downtown to meet our 9:15 dessert date with Gottlieb's, a very expensive restaurant that neither of us had ever been to. the occassion? celebrating the fact that we don't know what the hell we're doing with our lives. it was great. we ate ridiculously delicious stuff at obnoxious prices that i would never tell my friends in mexico about. you should have come. in fact, we've decided to celebrate this once a month. we're not sure if we're always going for dessert, but you're welcome to come along with us.
anyhow, while we were eating, somehow our conversation got into talking about creativity and where that really comes from. thinking about it, we all create, conciously or subconciously, b/c we're created in God's image, therefore, we're wired to be like him, and he is the ultimate creator. now, we know things have gone amuck since eden, but i think that original spark to create is innate and placed there by our creator. with that said, i had a puzzling conclusion: man has never had an original thought. never. ever. if it is good, then it comes from God. if it is evil, then it is sparked by satan or one of his cronies.
as an artistic person, im kinda frustrated with the idea that, well, i've never had an original idea of my own. it's all God-inspired, and for me, it's all done to mimic him anyhow (which means it's crap, but i still think God would hang it on his fridge or on his wall at work b/c he loves me despite the fact that i struggle to draw even stick figures). whenever i make something artsy, it's always about the process for me. i dont always care about the outcome. if it's aestheticly pleasing, then im super excited (b/c that's rare), but the process is really where it's at.
i wonder . . . is that how God views us? i mean, there is whole "clay in the potter's hand" thing. but i wonder if, for God, it's all about the process. we're all living canvases. the difference between God and i though is that i think he cares about the end product immensely.
hmm....now im just rambling....

oh, funny thing happened at work today. i was standing outside of the church where i work with two girls, and we were discussing hanging out. these young ladies had just come from a bible study with one of our college/singles pastors. well, the pastor was coming out of the door just as one of the girls is saying, "i dont know, i mean, we could do whatever. we could go out for drinks maybe, or something. . ." it was perfect timing (or maybe for her, unfortunate) . . . to add to the situation, working on staff at church, i cant drink, so it even made me look shady. . .grrreeaaaat.

new beginnings

so i've switched blogs. im unoriginal and fine with it. i'll post something later. one love.