i repent

i am a horrible person. some of you are thinking, "come on, laura, you're not that bad." others of you are saying, "well, they say the first step is admitting it." well, the truth is, i know who i am, and im definitely not great.

on his live album, "the house show", derek webb talks about how great it would be if we, as christians, got real with each other and confessed our sins to each other. he said that the best thing that could ever happen to him is if his sins were exposed on the 6 o'clock news for everyone to see. im thinkin hes smokin something. but the more i think about it, the more i wish we were more open with each other. i think of all the people that i look up to -- people who seem to be so much more spiritually mature than myself -- people who i try to mark my steps after . . . people who just strike me as christlike. the truth is, though, that everyone struggles . . . everyone sins . so, why is it so hard for us to admit it-- especially to one another? pride? shame? . . .

it fascinates me to think that i could admit my deepest, darkest sins and that admittance could actually encourage someone. but im not brave enough. im also still confused on how sin is sin to God -- we tend to label sins, saying one is worse than another, but that's not how God sees it, and even though i've taught younger people about it, i still dont understand it and i guess i have a hard time accepting it . . . grace, that is.

im not about to confess all my sins right here, but i am repenting of not being more honest with the people in my life who i am called to hold accountable and vice versa. i repent for being too prideful . . . and disobedient. i am going to pray that God shows me how i could use my shortcomings to encourage others and show them how full of mercy and grace God is . . . how much he loves us despite our struggles . . .