trey, you were loved

this morning.
it's two am and im tired. an hour long drive home ahead of me. i decide to check my messages before leaving b/c the internet at my house is down. weird message from a student, asking if i knew a kid named trey...

rewind two years. it's my first year teaching. nervous. excited. love my kids. trey, who didnt like if i called him walter, his first name, was a funny kid who liked to make that sarcastic remark at the exact moment that it was appropriate. it was his job to entertain me in class. and, like all my kids, i loved him. missed homework assignments? you know it. failed a test here or there? sure. but i loved him . . .

fast forward to april 2006. i'm meeting students to go see akeelah and the bee. waiting in line to get a ticket, i glance through the glass and see a somewhat familiar face outside. the face is hidden by shaggy hair, and the young man is a bit taller than the boy i remember knowing, but it's him. i knew it. and he saw me. and he knew it. i went outside, gave him a hug, and we talked. he had just turned in an application at the theater. i mentioned a cd i had just finished making. he said he wanted one. we headed over to my car while he finished his cigarette. "sorry for smoking in front of you."
"dont worry about it." and i smiled as i handed him the cd, explaining that it was crap, but i hope he'd like it.
he said thanks, and we said goodbye.

fast forward to two days ago. trey sent me a message saying that he kept the akeelah and the bee poster for me. (he got the job at the theater) he said for me to just call him to get the poster.

yesterday. trey drowned at tybee.

trey, everyone is asking "why?" i know i am. but at this point, all i know is that you were loved.

we miss you, and hopefully we'll meet again someday.

we all have wounds...

cant sleep...

so it's about 1 in the am and i cant sleep. usually, i wouldnt care seeing as how im a night owl anyhow, but this time it's annoying.

it's raining outside, and i love it. i love the smell of rain. i love lightening. i love thunder.

this time of year always seems to be a time of renewal and of new beginnings. old friends. new friends. im excited to see how this summer will turn out.

i recently confessed to God that havent been so wise as of late. i've made a lot of mistakes. been friends with people i probably shouldnt have been friends with. and now i'm trying to figure out what that means and where to go from here, b/c the fact is, i cant go anywhere. how do you re-invent your surroundings when you cant leave?

im going through withdrawl. i miss my students.

maybe if i go stand out in the rain, it will wash it all away...

three times a bridesmaid . . .

do you know that saying? i learned it from anne of green gables as a young girl. i think it was prophetic . . .

so . . . last year i was a groomsman (in a black dress) for greg's wedding. i dont think that counts as being a bridesmaid. this past march i was in heather's wedding - my first real experience as a bridesmaid. this summer i am the maid of honor in cathy's wedding. does the adage still apply if it's the maid of honor? this i should check on. and finally, yesterday, i was asked to be a bridesmaid in my (younger, mind you) brother's wedding, which will take place next year.

im ONLY 25 and practically an old maid.

great.

this is the part where i feel trapped by the christian bubble. suffocated, even. this could serve as an interesting conversation, so, if you'd like to discuss it, be my guest.

the proverbial cool

greetings. my apologies for becoming ridiculously slack and not blogging regularly (for all two of you who usually read this thing).

lots of stuff, so here we go...

the white chocolate ep - im currently recording. the ep goes on sale at windsor's coffee house this coming thursday. just $5 for your own copy. yes, there will be originals, and, yes, there will be freestyling...

spring break - last week i had the best spring break ever. i celebrated by sleeping in that first saturday morning. then i packed for a week of the unknown. i jumped in my car and headed for the tennessee mountains. i arrived just in time to stop by sub7 at milligan college. i caught a few songs from amos and andrew, aka the prof coats, and then i decided to go for a late night drive since that was a common pastime for me in college. it was beautiful.
sunday morning i attended starbucks first christian church of johnson city, tn. and worked on my message for vespers. i loved spending hours pilfering through words of lewis, merton, assisi and a kempis. once i had that done, i headed back over to seeger chapel on milligan's campus. i snuck into my favorite place, the tiny prayer room, and spent a couple of hours playing guitar, which for me, often serves as a form of prayer.
vespers was interesting. i only knew the senior kids, and there werent that many of them there. at this point in the semester, everyones pretty worn out. i had a lot of fun speaking though, and i always enjoy the challenge of winning over an audience that doesnt know me. i think it went pretty well...

after vespers, i had my first quality visit with tori m. we went to the acoustic cafe, which totally belongs in downtown savannah with it's hint of old incense and artsy/scene kids in their early 20s. i loved it. there was a folksy music group playing, and theres always a random dog hanging out in the shop - never the same one - but always chill and enjoying the music, looking as if he should be smoking or something....
tori confessed that she knew that monday was "wonderful wednesday." w. wed. is the best thing ever. you wake up (it can actually be any weekday) and theres a flyer, signed by dr. jeanes (college pres.), saying that classes are cancelled and giving you the schedule of crazy stuff during the day. i was excited. my fifth wonderful wed, and im not even a student. perfect timing. this year, however, they decided to start it at 5pm monday and go through 5pm tues., which i think is even better.
anyhow, it's tradition that after dinner, around 6pm, theres always a gallon challenge. you know, where a bunch of people try to down a gallon of milk in an hour w/o puking everywhere? thats the one. but i'm getting ahead of myself...

monday morning i met richard kenny down at the sub to talk about life, and specifically, some important life decisions he has to make pretty soon. it was amazing to see who he has become in the last three years. he was a freshman when i was a senior, and we had bonded b/c we both hated our freshman year of college. anyhow, it was a good visit.

from there, i went back to becca and nathans, where i was staying, to have lunch with becca. becca and i have known each other since we were 14. we went to church together. she went to atlanta christian for college, but married a guy who decided to go to emmanuel for seminary. so, after i left milligan, they moved up to johnson city and she now works at milligan. we ate some really good strawberries...

now in planning for this trip, monday had actually been reserved for two very special people: chris eger and brad parker. so, after spending some time just enjoying the beautiful weather, i headed back to milligan to meet up with chris. we picked up brad along with beth harkey, and trekked over to keva juice for a few smoothies. my first keva juice experience, btw, and i loved it. we spent about an hour in the sunshine just talking and it was wonderful. these three people are three of my most favorite people ever.

back to milligan - wonderful wednesday festivities had begun, and we decided to watch the gallon challenge. gross. fantastic. not sure how i feel. the best moment: seconds left on the clock and one man, ned, has not thrown up...looks like hes gonna win. oh, wait, no, he's not b/c this guy, casey, who had already thrown up, threw up a good five feet from ned, but aiming at ned. it got all over ned's feet/legs, thus causing ned to throw up from...well...ya know....it was a beautiful thing...

after all the excitement, tori and i headed up to the top of sutton hill, where, while in college, i frequented this hill many a sunset along with my guitar. after a while, tori had to go, but, just like old times, other people stopped by... beth joined me, and a few minutes later brad. brad said he felt like hed just stepped back in time. i agreed, strummed a few chords, and we watched the sun set on buffalo mountain...

around 8:30 i joined my emo friend, travis, for dinner and coffee and a great mix cd. this is his first semester teaching, so we discussed our kids and classroom stuff. for the record, travis, you're right: that cd has melted my face off....very emo....several times....

john hammon was supposed to call, but he didnt, so i snuck into the sga room in the sub back on campus around 10pm and began writing a song. i didnt know thats what i was going to do, but thats what happened. you'll have to buy the white chocolate ep to hear it...

tuesday i said my farewells and got back on the road. this time, to atlanta....well, ok, canton, ga. i went down to chill with greg and jessica, two amazing friends. we did absolutely nothing noteworthy, and i loved it....needed it, even. i got a chance to visit with my friend, ben, whom i have not seen for two years. he recently got engaged, and i hadnt met the girl, so we all met for dinner. it was really good to see him again.

after a couple days of that, i headed over to athens, ga. the only reason for me to really go through there was that back in march i was in my friend, heather's, wedding and i wanted to give her pictures i had taken, so i used that as an excuse to go. heather is a 2nd grade teacher, and not on spring break, so when i got to athens on thursday, i just hung out by myself for a few hours until she was off work. it was amazing. i had never spent time by myself in athens, so i took the opportunity. i parked downtown, grabbed a fruit cup and some water for lunch, and sat in the shady grass on the uga campus along with my guitar and a good book. i sat there for about three hours, and it was perfect. it was the absolute ideal spring weather. everyone was out, walking around. i love watching people....not sure why....i think i like to imagine that i know what theyre like, and make up stories about them and their lives...what they do...where they come from....why theyre there in athens....

at about 4 i headed over to heathers and we had girl talk for a little while. i helped her cook dinner (and by that i mean i sat in the kitchen and kept her company b/c she didnt let me do anything) and when jack came home we all ate. it was great....but soon it was time for me to hit the road again....

before spring break began, one of my students gave me a cd of a guy named corey smith. it just so happens that corey went to uga and had written a few songs pertaining to the area, so i felt it was appropriate to listen to his tunes while in athens, and while driving home through the backroads of ga. it was one of the best drives of my life. now, you have to understand, i love driving. i esp. love driving on back roads to loud music (what kind of music? depends on my mood and the location). this was a beautiful drive.....very country....rustic....wish you could have been there...

back to savannah. reality hit and i had to grade papers...

i didnt intend to write so much about spring break....that's not at all what i was going to focus on in this entry, but there it is, and i have to go, so i guess the proverbial cool will have to wait....

oh athens, why dost thou torment me so?

ok. just returned from a weekend in what is probably one of my favorite places to visit ever: athens, ga. i went because my friend, heather, was getting married and i was a bridesmaid.

i arrived friday afternoon and visited with my friend, leanne, for a while. leanne was gracious enough to let me stay with her since i am too cheap to spend money on a hotel room (i seriously would have slept in my car if needed). ok, so leanne and i hung out for a while, and then it was time for me to go to the rehearsal. leanne assured me that we weren't far from the church and that i'd have plenty of time to get there. just the same, i'd rather be a little early than a little late. so, i headed upstairs to get dressed. i put on my brand-new "happy birthday" dress from ann taylor, and holy crap! the zipper broke. never would i, girl who grew up climbing trees, expect to get upset about a stupid dress zipper malfunctioning, but i was very sad indeed. in a panic, i yelled at leanne to ask if i could borrow some of her clothes. i threw something together and headed to the rehearsal.

the rehearsal went well. the other bridesmaids were cool, so i figured it would turn out to be an enjoyable weekend experience. we headed over to the botanical gardens for dinner and it was absolutely amazing. i want to buy a tent and live in those gardens for the rest of my life. i mostly hung out with one bridesmaid in particular, sherri, b/c we're both from savannah and already kinda knew each other. we got really bored with regurgitating the same, boring, shallow banter over and over "hi. laura reagan. i'm a bridesmaid. savannah. oh, we went to high school together. i'm a teacher.....blah blah blah" so, sherri and i joked about telling people we met heather stripping. keep in mind, we hung out this weekend with some really ritzy people -- athens country club and all -- so the goal was not to just spice up the conversation, but kill it alltogether. anyhow, there was a surprise slide show that heather and jack didnt know about, so that was fun to watch. and of course there were toasts. i was concerned about how much alcohol some of these people had consumed, but they werent too bad.

saturday morning we girls got together for a quiet brunch, while everyone else attending the wedding was invited to brunch with the fellas at the country club (about 200+ guests....remember i said ritzy....). i was thankful for that quiet time. we all shared how we knew heather, and she had actually taken the time to write out what each relationship with us had meant to her and what she's learned from each girl, so that was really special. after eating, we headed over to the salon to get pedicures b/c we were all going to be barefoot for the wedding. i've never had a pedicure, and now i remember why: im ticklish! it bout drove me crazy, but it was fun. next, some of the girls went to get their hair done, but i opted to hang out with leanne some more.

leanne and i ate lunch downtown at trans metropolitan, which is a really cool and laid back place. we went into this store called helix that sold a lot of random things . . . mostly girly things . . . but it was cool and a bit retro and earthy, which i love. we looked in a couple of stores where we could never afford the clothes, and thats always fun.

it was a beautiful day in downtown athens and all i could think about was the past. i can count on one hand all boys ive ever known that i would consider quality. one of them is my friend, ben. ben is the absolute sweetest guy ive met in my life -- hands down. he used to live in athens and i went down and hung out with him a few times. one of those times was spent on a very similarly beautiful day in downtown athens. he and i ate lunch at five star day, bought records at school kids records, and played around in junkmans' daughter. since then, ben and i have tried to become adults, me teaching in savannah, and he working for the gbi up near atlanta. he met an amazing girl about two years ago, and now theyre getting married. i cant help but selfishly think that i wont have any more memories of just "me and ben" . . .

the wedding was fantastic and the reception was tons of fun. heather and jack are serious about having a good time. after enjoying a fancy-schmancy sitdown dinner, the live band kicked off what would turn out to be about 3 hours worth of oldies and 70s music that im pretty sure i never want to hear again for as long as i live. give me the symphony or booty music, but leave the honky tonk at home, please. half the songs made me feel like i was at young life club, which wasnt so bad, and at least they didnt break out YMCA, but still . . . apparently i'm just not white enough . . .

all in all, a good weekend.

in other news, i turned 25 about a week ago, so that was, whatever. the highlight? other than my kids at school completely lavishing me with love and homemade cards, my brother bought me my very first real piece of jewelry. im all about cheap jewelry, but erik, since he is now working in a jewelry store, offered to buy me something. i wasnt sure if id find anything i wanted, but i did. i picked out a ring with my birthstone in it (which shocked me b/c my whole life i've hated my birthstone b/c i thought it was boring) and four tiny diamonds. so, i now own bling with ice in it. exciting stuff.

stories from the classroom

like most weeks, this week has proven to be an interesting one. today i'd like to share a few stories from the classroom that have taken place this week. i'll start with today and work backwards if that' s allright with you.

today . . . well, today a student gave me keyshia cole's new cd, and that made me happy because i really like her song, love (not to be confused with ashlee simpson's new song, l.o.v.e). the same student gave me a really cool card that he made himself that said in really pretty letters on the front, "loser." for those of you who aren't aware, my initials are LoSeR. moving on. a kid i have never taught and don't really know keeps asking me out in the hallway in between 5th and 6th period. it's kinda funny. today his approach was, "hey, ms. reagan, when are we going on that date?" my response is always, "never" with a polite, yet not encouraging smile.

yesterday . . . i've had lunch duty this week, which pretty much always sucks for obvious reasons. the only upside is that i get to hang out with kids who tell funny stories. unfortunately, i missed out on most of the stories yesterday b/c some kid decided he thought he could get away with smoking while on his lunch break (i had duty outside), so i had to take care of that, and that kid probably hates me now, so that kinda makes me sad.

tuesday . . . i did a writing exercise with my kids where they had to describe a river they imagine. then, they had to write a description of that same river, only this time they had to write from the perspective of an old man or woman who had just lost something important without telling the reader that anything has been lost. finally, the kids desrcribed the river from the point of view of someone who is in love. well, when we finished, i had some kids read their writing. when we got to the one about the person in love, this kid started reading his:
"there are beautiful flowers lining the bank of the calm river. it is a sunny day, and beams of light reflect off of the water. through the ripples i can see stones that remind me of her lovely lady lumps."
i am not kidding. the kid stopped reading there and clarified that he totally made the "lumps" part up . . . yeah . . . we were dying laughing . . .

monday . . . i just struggled to function on monday. i spent the weekend at windy gap, a young life camp up in north carolina. i didn't get very much sleep. monday night was young life club, which was a lot of fun. it was an "all-city" club, meaning midtown and country day all got together for the night. the leaders did a skit that was really funny, mainly because this guy, jared, is really good at acting like a spas. i had to be an over-zealous chatelaine (drillteam member). it was a lot of fun.

well, somehow, this makes me want to mention tomorrow, which hasn't happened yet, clearly, but i thought i'd let you know that i am participating in the "teacher no-talent show" to raise money for the american diabetes assoc. i can't tell you what i'm doing b/c some of my kids read my blog, and i don't want to risk one of them reading this before tomorrow morning. let's just say i'm a rockstar . . . ok, i'm a crappy musician who would like to be a rockstar for about 15 minutes. how's that?

roll out

david hasselhoff, why raw rock kills, and weed at last

ladies and gentlemen, to your left you'll find the picture of the incredibly hot guy we all know (and germans love), david hasselhoff. i recently found out that his second marriage is sadly ending in divorce after over a decade of happiness. now, you might be thinking, "where's she going with this?" or perhaps, "who cares?" well, the reason this is of interest to me is because my family has had to man the phonelines at our house to make sure that mr. hasselhoff isn't trying to hook up with his high school hottie. still confused? allow me to enlighten you: hasselhoff dated my mom in high school. i don't make this stuff up, folks. he was 14, she was 16, and they met doing theater in atlanta. he was her romeo, and she was his juliet (literally). growing up in the 80s and 90s, we couldnt avoid the man in our household. my dad was a fan of knight rider (although, we weren't allowed to talk about it), and then of course came the big acting phenomenon of baywatch. add to that the fact that my dad is half german, and there are all kinds of jokes waiting to be made. anyhow, if david calls, i'll let you know.

in other news: last night i died. ok, i lied, obviously. last night i saw my first live showbread show at le morte rouge. i just threw the fact that it was at le morte rouge b/c i think it's a cool name. moving on. the show was a lot of fun. the roundtable and oakstreet thesis also played and they all did an amazing job. there was a weird culmination of several of my worlds last night. i saw a few people i know from church. i saw a few of my students (who thought it was really cool that i was there -- not lame like im trying to be the cool teacher or anything), and then there was matt davis, featured 2nd from the right in this picture of showbread. matt and i met in 2nd grade at hesse elementary school. i remember coming home the first day of school (matt was a "new kid" in our class, which was mostly the same kids every year we were at hesse) and telling my mom that i wanted to marry him. im not sure i have those same feelings today, but nonetheless, it was really cool to see all the guys play the songs that i've actualy been listening to for over a year now. i remember back in the day matt and my friends barry, josh, and another matt were in a band called johnny angel. they were pretty good. they even opened for five iron in atlanta one time. anyhow, the show last night was a lot of fun, so, sorry if you missed it.

and finally, weed at last. we've been working on public speaking the past two weeks in class. last week, of course, we did dr. king's speech, "i have a dream." this past week i worked on persuasive speeches with my students. they picked their topics in the beginning of the week and then we worked on drafting and going over the "how-to's" of good speech delivery. well, there was a broad range of topics covered yesterday in all of my classes. the three most popular topics were: abortion, school uniforms, and the legalization of marijuana. my fifth period class is particularily fun, but one kid is just ridiculous, and i love him for it. patrick gave a speech on the issue of marijuana and why it should be legalized, and his closing statement? "weed at last, weed at last. thank god almighty, there's weed at last!" i cried i was laughing so hard, to be honest.

over and out.

there cannot be a close second

i was blessed to once again go to windy gap, a young life camp in north carolina, this past weekend. i went for a leaders weekend. can i just say that i've never witnessed so many extroverts in the same room in my life. young life leaders are usually crazy. unfortunately for my group, i'm only "crazy" when i'm around high schoolers. being around people my own age or older typically bores me, or at least it doesnt inspire me to get overlly excited about things such as playing games (forced fun), etc. it was great to be at windy gap though and get a chance to get to know the other leaders. i havent done young life in a year and a half, so there were a lot of new faces on the midtown crew.

happy one year wedding anniversary to my friends greg and jessica. and a special congratulations to jessica for not punching greg in the face - not even once during that year.

christmas break was good. the only thing about those two weeks is that it's long enough to get comfortable, and then you have to go back. i miss those month-long breaks in college. it was so long that by the last week i was always ready to go back.

i recently watched the rough cut of invisible children. wow. you should see this film. i'm probably going to host a house party, so let me know if you're interesting in coming to see it. i'm contemplating showing it to my kids, but i'm not sure. i might just give extra credit for watching it after school and writing a response. if you dont know what IC is, then go to the website (click the link above).

the semester is going well so far. i love my new kids. unfortunately two of my classes are overcrowded, so i'm bound to lose a few of my kids, and that stinks. the other day i broke them into groups and had them write a letter to a new kid explaining what the new kid needs to know in order to survive at windsor. most of the letters were pretty good. one group (if it's not "that guy" it's "that group") actually started off their letter by informing the new kid not to be a "whore." let it sink in. that's right. now what the heck am i supposed to do with that? i mean, it's good advice i guess, but highly inappropriate, right? i was thinking more along the lines of "don't be late for class" and "wear your i.d. at all times," but i never would have guessed "don't be a whore" would be at the top of these kids' lists. in all honesty, we all just laughed. what else can you do . . .

in other news, my car is falling apart despite my attempts to hold it together with the almighty invention we all know and love: ductape. thats how i roll.

i just found out that brian regan is going to be in florida in march. hmmm. i might get a ticket or two. coldplay will also be in florida in march, but i dont think im buying a ticket for that. remember what happened last time?? well, i do . . .

well, i have seating charts to make (yeah!). peace outside. darn you. (name that reference. hint: who's your favorite chinese rapper?)